


Everything Is Fine

by AMiserableLove



Category: New Girl
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-31
Updated: 2013-01-31
Packaged: 2017-11-27 16:26:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/664046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AMiserableLove/pseuds/AMiserableLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything was fine. Only, that was a lie. They had irreversibly changed their relationship. There was no going back now. There was no denying it now. They had crossed that line…and simply stating that everything was fine and good and just flippin' peachy wasn't going to fix things.—Takes place the morning after the kiss, Jess is left reeling, and tries to sort out her feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything Is Fine

Breathe.

Calm down.

Breathe.

In and out.

Slow and steady.

Everything was fine.

Just fine.

Breathe.

Just. Breathe.

Yeah not working…she definitely wasn't breathing and she sure as hell wasn't calming down.

Glancing around the kitchen table, Jess' gaze briefly flitted across each of her roommate's faces—Winston looked tired, Schmidt annoyed, and Nick…

Her eyes locked with his dark stare briefly before she quickly looked away.

Nope!

No.

No way.

Not going there.

Ohhhh but she already had—or he had, and she had enthusiastically hopped on and joined the completely thrilling totally wrong, _wrong,_ wild, insanely hot ride.

_Nick had kissed her._

And a tiny little squeak nearly escaped her lips at the thought. Like a chicken she had been avoiding it all morning long, attempting to push it out of her head, almost desperate to forget the mind-blowing event.

NICK MILLER HAD KISSED HER!

And oh good God help her, she had liked it.

Digging her fingernails into the palm of her hand, she frantically tried to rid herself of the mental images. Tried to forget the way he had grabbed her arm, crushing her against him, before kissing her— _kissing_ _ **her**_ senseless in the most devastatingly passionate way.

It had been raw…it had been urgent…it had been almost two years of pent up sexual frustration all released in one desperate kiss.

It had been incredible.

And then, to make her almost lose her bearings completely, he had ended it soft, and gentle, and sweet, so very _very_ sweet. It had literally taken her breath away and had left her speechless—utterly flooring her.

Just barely suppressing a groan, Jess closed her eyes and placed her elbows on the table in front of her, before resting her head in her hands. She wished she could blame him entirely—she wished she could point the finger at him and cry foul. But she couldn't…because she had responded…. _ohhh God_ had she responded. She had reacted immediately—fervently matching his kiss with equal vigor. And when he had pulled away and had looked at her with that burning dark gaze, her heart had dropped to her knees and her pulse had stopped for a brief moment before racing fast, confusion, desire, and need storming through her veins.

" _I meant something like that."_

She was so screwed, so undeniably irrevocably _**SCREWED!**_

"I think we all know why I called a roommate meeting this morning."

Schmidt's stern voice had Jess's gaze snapping up, and swallowing over the lump that had formed in her throat, she sat back in her chair while picking at her nail polish uncomfortably. Did he know? He had to know. Why else had he demanded they all sit down for a formal discussion?

"First I'm going to give the offender…or _offenders_ a chance to come clean," Schmidt stated in a firm, unyielding voice. His eyes slowly went around the table, staring hard at each of them. When his gaze landed on her, Jess felt her body heat and she chewed on her bottom lip restlessly, trying her hardest to play it cool.

Winston sighed and rubbed his eyes, "Schmidt man, it's early, I'm hung-over and I have a beautiful woman lying in my bed, please just cut the crap and tell us what this is about."

Schmidt frowned, and glanced over at Winston, his expression conveying clear exasperation, "this is serious Winston, _The Loft Rules_ have been broken. We need to point out the offenders and discuss the consequences."

Oh God he knew!

Jess felt her eyes grow wide as she considered Schmidt's words. What were they going to do? Was Schmidt really going to make them admit to the kiss _out loud?_ And what consequences? She had never seen anything about consequences in the laminated copy of the loft rules Schmidt had given her. Then again, she hadn't really read them over too thoroughly. But honestly, he couldn't be serious…it had happened once! And how the heck did he know anyway? Her eyes shot over to Nick who was still staring at her, his expression serious, save for the tiny smirk that ghosted around the edges of his mouth. Did he tell? She was going to kill him!

"The faster you come clean, the easier it will be on the rest of us."

Or what if Schmidt had seen them? What if Nick hadn't told anyone at all? They had been out in the middle of the hall for crying out loud. Any chump could have caught them.

_Sam_ could have caught them.

Jess squeezed her eyes shut tight on a wince. She hadn't even begun to deal with the guilt that was beginning to edge its way to the front of her mind. She would save that for later. Right now, she was just trying to get through the morning without spilling the beans.

"We can't live in a loft where people completely disregard clearly set boundaries."

She was pretty sure she was sweating—her body felt cool and clammy and she was a bit sick to her stomach. Dammit how did he know?!

"I'm appalled, I'm definitely disgusted, but you know what…more than anything…I'm just flat-out disappointed."

_Disappointed?_ Oh come on now, that was a bit dramatic wasn't it? So she and Nick had kissed. So they had thrown their friendship to the wind—so they had potentially ruined the coveted _Loft Dynamic._

Big deal.

"How about I count to five and if the delinquent doesn't come clean by then…well then I take matters into my own hands."

Jess rolled her eyes…this was getting ridiculous.

"One."

She wasn't going to budge.

"Two."

It wasn't like the whole event had been earth shattering.

"Three."

Just completely mind-blowing, exhilarating, amazing, thrilling…and a bunch of other adjectives she couldn't come up with at the moment.

"Four."

Why was Nick looking at her like that anyway? She wanted to smack that smirk off his face. Why was he so calm? He was a back-sweater after all, he should be sweating and twitching and…

"Five."

"Okay we did it! You caught us!" she yelled standing up, her voice shrill, her heart racing.

Nick's eyes went wide, Schmidt's mouth dropped open, and Winston just shook his head while muttering something about living with a bunch of _crazy people_.

"But it was mostly him!" Jess flung her arm out and pointed accusingly at Nick, he shook his head slightly, a small warning—but she ignored him; if she was going down she was bringing him with her. "He started it actually, he made me do it…I had no choice."

"What the hell!" Schmidt said, his voice equal parts irritated and disbelieving. "I knew it…I knew there was some funny business going on between you guys!"

Jess closed her eyes briefly, had they been that obvious? Had _she_ been that obvious? For over a year she had tried her hardest to suppress the unwanted feelings towards her scruffy roommate…and up until last night she had thought she'd been doing a damn good job.

Stupid, _stupid_ Nick Miller and his passionate frenzied kisses!

"It was mostly _him_ though!" She repeated with a squeak, fully aware she was throwing him under the bus.

"Figures." Schmidt said on a huff, tossing an angry glare in the direction of an unusually silent Nick.

"With his mouth and his hands and his words…"

"His mouth, his what—what are you talking about? What does that have to do with stealing my hair chutney? You know what I don't care…I'm just hurt. Nick you're clearly using the product all wrong…but Jess—you know I thought your hair has been looking silkier and more lustrous than normal. Damnit you guys! Do you know how much that stuff costs?"

Jess blinked once, then twice.

Chutney?

Wait what?

_Hair chutney?_

What. The. Hell.

Feeling her jaw go slack, she shook her head slowly, "I—I um, I mean—"

"It was a joke Schmidtty...one of my pranks."

She glanced over at Nick, he was still sitting at the kitchen table, appearing relaxed and unconcerned—his posture was slightly slouched and his face calm and impassive. There was no reason to suspect that he was skirting around the truth…except for his hands—they were folded together tightly, his knuckles white with the obvious strain and effort.

"Nick you neanderthal that's a terrible prank! You don't mess with people's styling products. Dammit! This calls for at least a twenty-dollar deposit _each_ in the jar. Do you have anything to say for yourselves?"

"I—I…" she was at a loss for words her head was reeling. So they didn't know? Their secret was safe?

"We're sorry." Nick said simply, a sad hint of a frown spreading across his lips.

Schmidt nodded, his face still contorted into an accusing expression. "Well that's something. Do you regret it?"

Nick looked over at her quickly, and almost defiantly held her stare. Her stomach did a tiny little dance of flip-flops and her face went hot as a heated blush swept over her cheeks. Uncomfortable, she shifted uneasily on her feet, feeling exposed under his somewhat intense scrutiny. And apparently seeing her reaction, something dark flashed in his eyes, before his mouth kicked up at the corners with a tiny self-deprecating little smile. "Not even a little bit."

Jess' mouth dropped open at that, and her eyes grew wide, feeling slightly lightheaded by his bold statement and the implications that came with it, she shook her head and backed away from the table. And bringing her hands up to her temples she squeezed lightly with a soft shuddering breath, blocking out Schmidt's sputtering curses. "Um, yeah, no. I mean, I've gotta go. I've gotta—yeaaah…um I'll see you later. I'm just gonna go. I'm sorry Schmidt, about the chutney and yeah…"

Fumbling and hurried, she ungracefully made her way towards the apartment door, clearly aware of the three pairs of eyes that were on her, studying her, most likely confused by her odder (than normal) behavior. Not caring at the moment what they thought, Jess grabbed her shoes, purse, and phone and bolted out of the loft, desperately needing space. And flying into the hallway she slammed the door, leaning against it with a shaky uneven little sigh. Closing her eyes tight, she almost groaned out loud as she thought about her less than stellar morning after the _big kiss_ behavior.

Completely embarrassing.

_Real smooth Jessica Day._

"Jess…babe…you okay?"

At the sound of her best friend's voice, Jess jumped as her eyes flew open with a startled little gasp. "Cece! Hi…uhhh what are you doing here?"

Cece gave her an odd little look, her expression mildly amused, "um last night we talked about getting together this morning…to talk about my date."

"Oh the date! Right the date. Soooo how did it go?"

The model squinted slightly, peering curiously at her. "Why are you in the hallway Jess?"

"Oh me? Um I was just getting some air. It was a bit crowded in there and I just needed some fresh air. I find the air in the hallway so much more refreshing than in the loft…you know with all the bodies, and hair products and stuuuuff."

Cece quirked a brow and placing a hand on her hip, pierced her with a knowing stare, "okay yeah…so what's really going on?"

Forcing a bright smile, Jess shook her head innocently, "Nothing, what's going on with you?"

"Jess."

"It's nothing I can't handle."

"Jess."

"Everything is fine."

" _Jess…"_

Feeling suddenly defeated, Jess closed her eyes briefly, "Cece, I can't talk about it…please don't make me talk about it. I'm just confused and—and things are complicated and… _please_ don't make me talk about it."

Cece was silent for a moment, her dark eyes studying her intently until something that resembled sympathy passed over her attractive features before she frowned slightly, "you okay though?"

Jess let out small breathy laugh, unsure how to answer the question...because as much as she tried to convince herself that everything was just fine...deep down inside she knew that was a far cry from the truth. Pushing away from the door, she ran a hand through her tangled dark hair, "yeah…yeah just shaken up."

Tilting her head to the side, Cece considered her for a moment, "in a good way or bad?"

Biting her lip, she glanced behind her at the apartment door, and shaking her head slowly, shrugged helplessly. "I don't know," the words came out small, barely above a whisper.

"Okay…" Cece said slowly, her eyes darting from Jess to the closed loft door, she looked like she wanted to say something else, like she wanted to press her further, but instead of pushing, she gave her a tight smile "Okay…so lets try to make this better," she paused briefly before her face lit up brightly, "you know what...let's go get some pancakes."

Jess' gaze shot to Cece's at the unusual suggestion, "carbs Cece?" her voice incredulous.

Walking over to her, Cece threw an arm around her shoulders, giving her an affectionate little squeeze. "Ehhh I'll kill myself at the gym later…right now you need pancakes."

Jess grinned, resting her head on her friends shoulder with the action, she bit her lip, "just don't judge me if I get extra whipped cream on my hot chocolate."

"That bad?"

"Ohhhh yeah."

* * *

A couple hours later, Jess stood outside the loft with her keys in the door trying to convince herself that she could walk into her own home. She was fine. Everything was fine. Breakfast had done the job, and she was currently happily stuffed with bad food, feeling somewhat more focused and relaxed. She could do this! She could face the music...face Nick. Besides... _he had kissed her_. If anything he should be the one freaking out and trying to avoid her. Right? _Right._ Giving herself an imaginary little pat on the back, she stepped into the apartment noticing with slight dismay how the tiny butterflies that she had tried to feed and keep quiet with a pile of chocolate chip pancakes doused in sickly sweet syrup, began fluttering to life deep in her stomach. With a tiny sigh, she shuffled towards the kitchen—her head was pounding angrily and Tylenol chased with a hot cup of tea sounded lovely.

"Hey."

At the sound of Nick's voice, Jess spun around watching as he walked into the kitchen tentatively, almost as if unsure how to act around her—not that she could blame him. Her earlier mutterings during the _roommate meeting_ had not only been embarrassing but also confusing. She had fumbled and stuttered like a complete idiot and she wondered briefly if he regretted kissing her now. And almost as soon as the thought crossed her mind, she mentally scolded herself, the voice in her head cross and unforgiving. Thinking about kissing Nick was not a good idea…not when he was standing right in front of her looking all dark and surly and uncomfortable.

"Hi. Um hey." she mumbled, walking towards the cabinets fast, her sights set on her cup of tea.

As she reached for her favorite mug, she couldn't help but wince at the moment or two of awkward silence—she could feel Nick's gaze boring holes into the back of her head and as she fiddled with the kettle while searching for the right type of tea to soothe her frazzled nerves, she silently cursed him for his unnerving presence.

"Listen about last night…"

Her hands rattled the kettle, "No." she said interrupting him, her voice coming out choked and hoarse.

There was a brief pause before Nick cleared his throat, "excuse me?"

Jess spun around and leaning against the counter leveled him with what she hoped was a steady stare, "No. I don't want to talk about what happened, or my near freak-out this morning…or—or anything right now. I just want to drink my tea, pop some pills, and lie down and go to sleep…because thanks to _someone_ I barely slept a wink last night.

At her words, he held her stare with an unwavering one of his own…and dammit she wondered if he could hear her heart—it was pounding _so hard_. And what was with the sudden roaring in her ears and the light feeling in her head? Had he always had this affect on her? Had she really been that good at denying it… _him?_

Oh God...how was she going to salvage their friendship when she couldn't keep her hormones in check...

Yep, she was screwed…so, so screwed.

After searching her gaze for what seemed like _forever_ , and apparently finding what he was looking for, Nick gave her a half smile and a little nod, before raising his hands in what she supposed was a sign of surrender. "Alright…we won't talk about it."

She swallowed thickly at his words, her shoulders slumping a little—why did that annoy her? Why did she feel disappointed? Why was she suddenly upset that he didn't want to re-hash the night before to death? He needed to explain his actions! And why the hell did he seem so damn composed? He was Nick Miller for crying out loud! He was supposed to be flipping out. Shouldn't he be the one fighting for control? He had kissed her!

He. Had. Kissed. Her.

It wasn't the other way around…so why was she the one that felt as if she was teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown? And narrowing her eyes at the racing questions that rushed through her brain, she glared at him, realizing that the swift feeling of anger that coursed through her was most likely entirely unwarranted.

"You kissed me!" she blurted out, and cringing, it took everything in her not to clap a hand over her mouth as the words flew past her lips.

What was wrong with her?

He looked shocked by her blunt statement, and for a moment said nothing, only nodded slowly, unsurely, before running the back of his hand up his neck and down again in a apparently nervous and somewhat edgy gesture. "I did." He said finally, his voice coming out in a surprisingly even tone.

"You shouldn't have!"

"I know."

"You just can't go around kissing people."

"I know I did it on…on a whim!"

His voice was beginning to rise a bit—he sounded frustrated, and briefly she felt a selfish thrill of satisfaction run through her, happy that she was finally getting a reaction from him.

"A whim? A _whim_ Miller? Well keep your whims to yourself, you can't—you can't—I can't…"

"I know Jess…I'm sorry!"

"I have a boyfriend!"

"I know!"

"And now you made things confusing!"

"I know!"

"And now I don't know what to do!

"I'm sorry!"

"I told you I don't want to talk about this!"

"You brought it up!"

"Well I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

On a huff, she turned her back to him, and glaring angrily at the hard surface of the counter, tried to catch her breath. She was riled up, and mad, and...oh hell she was twirly. She was twirly, and it was thanks to none other than one Nicholas Miller. What was the world coming to anyway? Turning away from the counter, she sneaked a peek over at him, and her stomach flipped when she saw that he was still staring at her, his chest was heaving slightly from their recent shouting match and his dark eyes were flashing with something dangerous, something she didn't want to look too deeply into.

"You kissed me." She whispered softly, almost resignedly.

"Yeah."

Biting her lip, she shook her head, and then suddenly she felt the very thin strip of self-control that she'd desperately been trying to hang onto since he had pulled her to him and had thrown her world into a crazy tailspin of emotions, begin to slip and fall.

"I'm sorry…it shouldn't have happened." He said it so softly she just barely heard him.

But she did, his words echoed in her brain, and for some reason they made her heart sink while a cold unwelcome feeling shot through her veins, "do you really mean that?" she questioned hesitantly, not sure if she wanted to know the answer.

Nick paused for only a moment, seemingly considering the question, before his mouth quirked up into that half little smirk that drove her crazy and he lifted his shoulders in a small shrug, "no."

And it was with that one simple word, that what was left of her crumbling self-control slipped and faded away. And without thinking it through, without giving herself a chance to go over all the awful and horrible consequences—she quickly closed the few feet between them and threw herself at him, noting with some dim sense of satisfaction how fast his arms came up and wrapped around her waist—almost naturally and without hesitation he easily caught her.

It was always like that with him—he was always catching her, pulling her back to safety, stopping her before she spiraled out of control, preventing the inevitable crash and burn.

Reaching up, she cupped his face between her hands and allowing herself to focus on his eyes only briefly—she noticed how he remained still, unmoving, with his arms still tightly wrapped around her. And as she stared, unsure what to do, he raised a brow silently, almost as if daring her to make the move, to finish what she had started. The small act of defiance was enough to do her in, to make her concede, and on a silent curse she accepted his unspoken challenge and dragged his mouth down to hers, crushing her lips against his with a tiny muffled whimper.

It was there, just like it had been the night before—urgency, passion, desire, and lust, all mixed together with desperate lips, tongue, and teeth. She kissed him with everything she had in her; almost frantic to prove to herself, _to him_ , that she couldn't, wouldn't back down—that second kisses could be just as damn good as first kisses. And as one of his hands came up and fisted into her hair, while the other pulled her even closer, she couldn't stop the small moan that rippled from her throat as her body pressed against his, intimately jarring her.

Passion.

Hadn't it been the single thing she had been craving since realizing it was what she'd been missing from her relationship with Russell.

Passion.

Wasn't it the thing that night after night she tried to convince herself existed between her and Sam, as she slept curled next to him, worn out after another round of technically good, but intimately lacking, exhausting sex.

Passion.

It was the thing that had been simmering between Nick and her since the very early stages of their friendship. It was the thing that now—as his lips moved fervently, desperately, over hers, and his tongue battled hers in a war she was pretty sure she was very close to losing—raged through her in a wild, frantic rush. The emotion consuming her wholly almost as if angry for being suppressed for so long.

Passion.

It was what she had been trying to deny was so obviously between them—terrified that it would ultimately be what would drag them down and destroy their delicate relationship.

And as that thought swam through her hazy lust filled brain, Jess could feel her control begin to regain balance, and fear worked its way through her system, even as her body melted into his.

_She didn't want to lose him._

With that revelation ringing through her, she pulled away from him fast and gasping for breath, shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts, to collect herself—to stop her heart from pounding right out of her darn chest.

"Jess."

"So—so now we're even."

"Excuse me...what?"

She brought a shaky hand to her head as she stepped away from him, her body immediately registering the loss of his warmth. "Tit for tat…we're even now. Got that out our systems..."

He stared at her hard for a moment, confusion flitted across his features, before realization crept in. "Ahhh…I see."

"Right? I mean you're good right?"

He smiled darkly, opened his mouth to say something and then shaking his head, looked down at the floor avoiding her gaze. "Yeah Jess…I'm good."

She licked her kiss swollen lips and nodded at his words, her throat felt tight, and she was very aware that she suddenly felt like crying. "Good because I'm good and and now that you're good and _that's_ out of our systems we can just go back to acting normal right?"

"Yep."

"Good…so…so cool...um I guess I'll see you later then."

"Sure."

"Okay…okay so bye."

And with a turn she moved even further away from him, willing herself not to break into a full out run, determined to keep her cool until she at least made it to her bedroom. Besides she was fine, he was fine, they were both fine.

Everything was fine.

Only, that was a lie.

They had irreversibly changed their relationship.

There was no going back now.

There was no denying _it_ now.

They had crossed that line…and simply stating that everything was fine and good and just flippin' peachy wasn't going to fix things.

Oh yeah…they were without a doubt, completely and totally screwed.

But no matter how hard she tried to muster up feelings of regret...she couldn't.

And that right there, scared her more than anything else.


End file.
